So This Happened

I’ve been living here in Iloilo City for a bit over 6 months now. It feels like just yesterday that I got here, and at the same time it feels like I’ve been here forever. I will interpret that as a good thing; it feels new and fresh and exciting, and at the same time it feels like I’m settled and in place. When I tried settling in Tennessee, I never had that feeling of being in my place.

After I had been here a while, I met and dated a woman a few times. She was nice and we got along alright, but there wasn’t any spark between us so we ended that. That’s alright, I certainly didn’t expect the first woman I met to be my soulmate.

Then I met Eden. Our first date was a walk along the Esplanade on a Saturday evening, followed by pizza at Giuseppe’s. At the end of the night I asked her if she would take me someplace for Filipino food the next day, and she agreed. We started at the food court in SM City for batchoy, then we wandered around and talked for a while, and ended up at Pedro Bulalohan a couple of hours later for several dishes I didn’t recognize, and don’t now recall. I do remember we ordered way too much food for 2 of us, so we ended up taking the leftovers over to Inday’s (Eden’s nickname is Inday) workplace and sharing it with her colleagues.

That day out continued into the evening, when we finally ended up in Molo Plaza. It being Christmas season, which in the Philippines runs from September to January, the plaza was lit up with Christmas lights, and being Sunday evening it was crowded with families. At Christmas time small groups of children go around singing Christmas carols, and in exchange you give them a few coins. After one trio sang for us, Inday opened her purse and took out coins to give the kids. Afterwards I said something to her about not giving away all her money, and she replied “That’s okay. Those are the coins I didn’t spend for my food today because I am with you.” That made a big impression on me, because that’s the kind of person Inday is.

So, we’ve been together every single day since then. Has every moment been perfect? Of course not. There are cultural differences to adapt to in each other. There are food differences. I’ve eaten more rice in the last six months than I have in my entire life pre-Philippines! Eden speaks excellent English, but in the beginning I could tell that having to speak English constantly was wearying for her. And anyone who knows me knows that I am pretty rigid. I doubt anyone has ever described me as being flexible or easy going or anything similar. But we’re good together. Really good.

A few weeks after we met, we made the trip up to Barotac Viejo so I could meet Inday’s family. I met her mom and dad, her 5-year-old son Edrian, and several of her 6 sisters, and various children and neighbors.

I never expected to meet somebody and be in a committed relationship so soon after arriving here. Just before I met Inday I had committed to a 12-month lease on a 1-bedroom condo here in Iloilo. It was plenty of room just for myself, but now there are three of us.

As of this last Saturday, we have been together for 6 months. We are now engaged and planning a December wedding, on Inday’s birthday. We have plans for our life together, but more on that later. For now, I just wanted to introduce you to Eden and Edrian, and share the part they play in my life now. I will add here that my daughter Anju has agreed to be my “Best Woman” and stand up with me at our wedding. That makes me very happy. I’m looking forward to her being here for the wedding and Christmas and New Years, and seeing what my new life is like.

I have been working on this post since the end of July. It’s a topic I felt like I had to write about, yet it’s been very difficult to get down in words. It’s been quite a struggle and I think it’s a bit disjointed and awkward, but I hope you will be patient and can manage to get my meaning. So here goes:

I became both a full-time RVer and single all at once when my ex and I split up. While I had envisioned full-time RV living for a good while, I had always assumed it would be as a couple and I had always assumed we’d make an orderly transition to the lifestyle. Instead, for all intents and purposes I became both single and without a sticks and bricks abode quite suddenly in one phone call on a Friday evening.

I’ve read posts on RVing internet forums and on RVing Facebook groups from singles discussing how difficult it is to travel alone. Well, I love traveling alone! I’ve always loved traveling; moving from here to there and seeing new landscapes unfold before me. I’ve traveled on foot, by bicycle, in a car, by plane, and in the motorhome. I enjoy them all, and I’ve done them all both alone and with a partner.

Traveling alone is certainly different than traveling with someone else. Since this is primarily an RVing blog I’ll limit my comments to that realm, but in general they apply to whatever travel mode I’m in.

Moving down the road with the car behind the motorhome, I am about 55′ long, 12 1/2′ high, and 8 1/2′ wide. It’s rarely possible to just pull over to the curb and figure out where I’m supposed to be going, and I don’t have a co-pilot who can look things up and help me figure things out, so when I hit the road in the morning I try to make sure I know where I’m heading and how I’m going to get there. This includes where I am going to stop for gas or to fill up on fresh water or to dump the waste tanks if needed.

I usually travel with two GPS units; my RV-specific Garmin and Google Maps on my phone. Most of the time this is completely redundant and unnecessary, but I remember well the day I came over the pass from Boulder City into Henderson , NV heading through Las Vegas. The highway was being worked on and that work included a re-alignment of some on-ramps, and that threw off the Garmin and caused it to just quit navigating. Now one does *not* pilot this motorhome through heavy traffic and play with the GPS at the same time. Fortunately, Google maps was still working and that kept me on course through the city until I could finally stop somewhere — I don’t recall, but probably a highway rest area — and get the Garmin back on track.

Okay, I’ve wandered a bit off-topic here. Let me try to get back on track; social life for the introvert single RVer.

I enjoy traveling alone. I like that I can decide on a Saturday evening that I want to go to Oregon, and get up on Sunday morning and go. I like that I can decide whether I want to drive 100 miles today, or 500 miles. I like that if I just want to stay in and watch Netflix all day I can do that, or if I want to go out and hike 15 miles through desert heat, I can do that. Heck, I once made an all-day field trip to see a creosote bush!

One of the downsides is that I have gone literally weeks without interacting with another person other than transactional conversations like checking into a campground. As an introvert it is way too easy to slip into this pattern, and eventually it takes a toll even on me. I remember having this thought conversation with myself back at the end of last year, and one of the things I did to combat this was to sign up for the Xscapers Convergence in Quartzsite last January. There are lots of great people who belong to Xscapers, but that’s the problem for a single introvert; there are just too many people. I ended up actually hiding out in the RV a couple of days during the week-long Convergence, as it was simply overwhelming. And when I left there I parked out in the middle of nowhere in the Mojave National Preserve for 10 days by myself, just to recover.

That proved to be a sub-optimal idea, but I didn’t give up. Eventually I came across the Wandering Individuals Network (WIN). An awkward name, but an organization that proved to suit me well. For one thing, as the name implies, it is made up entirely of singles so I’m not stuck trying to fit in with large groups of couples. For another, while most members are retired they are very active, with lots of hiking and cycling and paddling. Just my type of folks. And the WINs run multiple “circuits” so they end up broken up into smaller groups that suit me better.

This summer I spent 4 months working as a campground host at a Forest Service campground in Colorado. To my surprise, I came to really enjoy chatting with the campers. I met lots of really nice people. It did get a bit overwhelming on the holiday weekends, especially at the end of the summer when I was taking care of 3 campgrounds and there were so many people that needed attention, but I managed it. It helps that I never had to deal with any real jerks.

And of course I am not totally alone in the world. I have a relationship with Aoife. It’s mostly a long distance relationship as she lives in the UK, but she’s spent a total of about 7 weeks with me in various locations so far this year, and we have a blast traveling and exploring together. She’ll be flying in again in a couple of weeks while I am in Connecticut.

So what does all this mean? Is there some kind of conclusion to be drawn? Umm, yeah, I think so. For me, I have to put in a bit of effort to put myself in situations where I interact with other people. I need that. But not too much. I need my alone time as well. And if you ever find yourself parked next to me somewhere, say hi to your shy introvert neighbor. I’ll appreciate it.